Of self-built shrines
by TaillessGiraffe
Summary: Even as she laid down on the cold, hard ground, her faith remained intact. And the day her prayers were answered, she learnt that not all Gods have a shrine.


It was nice to watch Eorlund work at the forge.

Especially when the hammering didn't threaten to make her head explode. She had slept soundly for the first time in months, and even though there was still a great deal of dilemmas keeping her in a state of constant stupor, getting rid of the beastblood had dispersed most of the fog.

The large nord held up the blazing sword to meet his eye-level, rotating its handle with ease to assess the blade.

It was also nice to watch him work because, unlike most of the people she had encountered, he didn't try to force a conversation out of her. She could stand there in silence during the whole process and he wouldn't even flash her a look.

Funny, how she craved for the indifference as of late.

"There." he said, handling her the weapon.

"Thanks, Eorlund." she replied, sheathing the sword. "I know you don't usually work this late."

"You're leaving, then?" he inquired, his voice dull, much unlike his metal.

The imperial nodded, picking up her bags. "Not permanently."

"Hm."

She adjusted the sack's straps on her shoulders and hesitated for a second, talking with caution. "Tell your wife I'll do my best to bring your son back."

At that the giant blacksmith turned to face her, his enormous, calloused hands at his hips.

He gave a sharp nod, a _'good luck'_ and that was that.

Another great thing about Eorlund. If conversations happened, they were short and to the point.

She walked past Jorrvaskr without a second glance. There was nothing left to do in there. She had already stretched her stay longer than she felt comfortable with to help the twins defeat their inner beasts, and as far as she was concerned, that's where her commitments to the guild ended.

Both brothers and Aela would act as counselors from now on. Kodlak had wanted Julia to become the new Harbinger, but the girl couldn't even consider facing such a responsibility at the time. That is what she told him, and his ghostly features had saddened for a brief moment, before he nodded understandingly. There had been no prior conversation to ask her opinion on the matter, to warn her.

That's when she had suggested that perhaps it was time to see things from a different perspective. He thought neither Aela, Vilkas or Farkas were built for the role. And maybe, despite being a bit too judgmental, he was right.

But the Companions had remained strong and united under his counseling without an official leader and, why should guidance be provided by a single person? The three of them were honorable warriors of solid spirits. Their flaws wouldn't be an obstacle if they worked together, balancing each other. They could even learn from the experience to trust a Shield-Sibling to guard their back; to not let emotions reign over reason; and to know that, sometimes, a wise and open mind was far more effective than the sharpest of weapons.

Julia hadn't exactly put it down like that, obviously - she was not skilled at words - but she managed to make Kodlak see her point, and he, although wary, had ultimately agreed with it being the best option.

She was not a good talker, but she was an excellent hypocrite.

She had gathered her scarce belongings and all the Companions alike, even those she didn't exactly get along with, had reunited in the main hall for a farewell dinner.

Aela had insisted on keeping her updated through letters, with Ria enthusiastically seconding the motion, assuring Julia would always be considered a Shield-Sister regardless of her parting, and the imperial knew better than to try and make neither of them change their minds. Besides, she didn't have the heart to tell them that she planned to become untraceable. Whether it was out of embarrassment or her paranoia talking, she wasn't sure.

She just hoped that no one in the mead hall would miss Kodlak's journal.

Julia stopped at the end of the stairs to observe Jorrvaskr one last time before leaving.

The place had granted her with more courage and strength than she could have ever dreamt for herself. Taught her how to survive and kept her inner demons at ease. She did not deserve any of it.

It was not home, but she would miss it.

She wheeled around and started marching, contemplating which direction to take once she was out of the city, when a little figure in her peripheral vision caught her attention and suddenly she remembered.

Lucia.

She felt mortified to realize she had completely forgotten about the girl. So preoccupied she had been with- _that_ issue, and everything that happened afterwards.

She wondered if the kid held it against her for having been so distant. If that was the case, how would she feel if she suddenly disappeared without even saying goodbye?

Julia fastened her pace, trotting down the stairs to the marketplace after Lucia. She didn't want to call for her least she attracted attention, reason why she also hoped to catch the kid before she entered The Bannered Mane to go to sleep- except she didn't.

The imperial's jog came to a jarring halt as she watched the little girl completely ignore the tavern's main entrance and drag her feet to the streets behind the building.

It was past midnight. What did she have to do at that time and in such a isolated area?

Concern increasing, she rushed to follow, her mind racing through a thousand horrible possibilities. She knew what it was like, to have no one at that age, how people were often far more dangerous than any wild animal.

As silent as her crammed bag allowed her, she decided to take a different route, in case she had to approach someone without being noticed - gods, she hoped that would _not_ be the case, and climbed the rocks behind Anoriath's stand.

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest when, once at the back of the building, she caught a glimpse of Lucia's feet peaking out from behind a corner, laying limply on the ground.

She was right beside her in a second, swords drawn and ready to rip someone's head- her fury suddenly subdued by the scene. There was no one harming Lucia. The girl was laying on the cold, hard ground, in a fetal position, sound asleep. She had shifted slightly at the sound of Julia's feet, mumbling incoherencies.

The young imperial stood frozen in place, her mind finally processing that Lucia was indeed safe, and sheathed her swords carefully, not to wake up the child.

Julia listened to the kid's even breathing in contemplative silence and, after a few minutes, gently took her sleeping form in her arms, quietly making her way to the front of the tavern.

Vanishing would have to wait another day.

* * *

><p>The first thing Lucia noticed, as the noises of a new day gradually pulled her back from dreamland, was the unusual softness beneath her. The second thing was the comforting aroma tickling her nose, a familiar mix of cooked meals and fermented mead. Eyes still closed, she prudently felt for the hay she used as a mattress, her hands instead closing around a smooth and warm fabric.<p>

She smiled with sadness as she realized she was obviously still asleep, her mind going back to the times when she had her own bed, and a mother who tucked her in every night. Lucia briefly wondered if she would feel her ma's soft lips on her forehead as well, when a muffled barking laugh coming from somewhere to her right made her eyes snap open.

There was no blinding light from the early morning sun, the dimly illuminated tavern's room greeting her instead. She languidly sat up, looking around her. She remembered going to sleep at her usual spot last night, and so was out of clues as to how she could have ended waking up there instead.

She had to make her way through the kitchen to get to the tavern area, crowded with the usual faces. Hulda immediately greeted her, so quickly she actually startled the kid.

"Lucia! Sweetheart! Did you... did you sleep well?"

"Uhm. Yes, ma'am."

It's not that Hulda wasn't normally kind to her, of course, she actually acknowledged her and sometimes gave her a gold coin in exchange for cleaning the place. But she was looking at the kid with a strange expression, pursing her lips, her fingers fidgeting nervously on the counter.

"Oh, great! I'm happy to hear that." she nodded, pausing for a second to consider something, "Uh, right- Julia wanted you to meet her at the Wind District, in front of Talos' shrine. Here!" she bent behind the bar and came back up with a pair of apples, "You must be starving, yes?"

The kid hesitated before taking the fruits, eyeing the inn-keeper with suspicion. "Ah, thank you. Ma'am."

Hulda waved her hand. "Oh, please! Call me Hulda, honey, call me Hulda." she smiled, talking with caution, "Uhm, listen, before you leave..."

"Yes?"

The nord woman looked down at her hands, "Well, I- actually, I just wanted you to know, that... well, that I'm, sorry, you've had to sleep on the ground, outside, all this time, honey."

"Oh. It's fine, Ma- Hulda. It's fine." Lucia didn't know why she should feel sorry for that, but said what she thought was in order. "It isn't your fault. You've helped me all you can."

The innkeeper nodded, pursing her lips again. "Aye... I have, I- I only have a few rooms, you see? And well..." she stared at the kid, who looked profoundly disorientated, still groggy from her long slumber, and shook her head rapidly, "Nevermind, just- well, if there's anything I can do for you, I am here, okay?"

Lucia nodded with gratitude, still confused by the whole ordeal.

"Good. Good, then, you should go see Julia, right now. She said she would be waiting until you woke up, and it's already midday." she pointed at the door, smiling as the child waved her goodbye and left the tavern.

Once the door closed behind her, the kid dropped her gaze on the apples she held in both hands, her mind still trying to comprehend what just happened. Hulda had mentioned Julia was waiting for her, so maybe that was who had taken her to bed.

And it wouldn't surprise her. Ever since the first day the scarred woman - well, young girl who was older than her, but a woman none the less - had approached her, asking why she was begging for gold, Julia had made it a daily ritual to sit with her on the bench, bringing her food and fresh, filled waterskins, telling the girl about her daily adventures, stories Lucia had grown to love and wait with eagerness.

Julia was so great.

Lucia was of course, living in Skyrim, used to all types of women, like those in the Companions and Irileth, or women like her ma and Mila's mother. But Julia didn't fit any of them- at least not that the kid's short-lived mind knew of. She was shortest than any other adult she had met; didn't have the muscles of a warrior, despite wearing nothing but armors; her hair was always messy and unkept; and the day Lucia saw her for the first time, with those thick eyebrows and strong jaw, she had thought Julia to be a pretty young boy, not much older than her, impression that sent her into a fit of giggles as soon as she introduced herself to Lucia and the child realized her mistake. But the young woman, despite not looking the part, still went out everyday to fight wild animals, and rescue people from bandits, and kill giants, and always found time to sit with the kid and tell her all about it.

Just lately she had been extremely busy, though. Lucia was sitting around the Gildergreen when Julia had come back from the dragon attack, right after the sky had roared a strange word. Her clothes were smoking and she looked about to yell. She had ran past the Gildergreen and to Dragonsreach without even addressing Lucia. She had been so distant after that, only giving her some gold and a greeting the times she didn't disappear for days on end- all on her own, too, cause Lucia would see the rest of Companions walking from and around Jorrvaskr and still have no news from her friend. She wouldn't even take with her that serious lady from the castle.

Everytime she would come back, she would do it with new bandages and bruises, her face looking so gloomy and so serious and so _frightening_.

And Lucia just didn't feel brave enough to reach her and ask what was wrong.

Then there had been that attack at Jorrvaskr, and Julia had left the city with other Companions, again staying out for days.

Lucia of course understood she had things to do, important things, she was a Companion, after all, but it still felt amazing to be told that Julia wanted to see her. She was already growing scared that who she already thought as a friend - as a protector - was forgetting her.

She ascended the stairs to the Wind District, holding the apples close to her chest. She spotted Julia immediately- her head and shoulders, specifically, sitting at the bench in front of Heimskr, the priest.

He was delivering his usual sermon, which Lucia knew every word to. She crossed the small bridge and walked to Julia, noticing the funny expression on the woman's face. The same expression her mother used to make when she held a chicken and it clucked right into her ear. She was wearing a different armor today, one made of leather, as opposed to the steel the kid was used to. Lucia shyly called for her, making the imperial open her eyes and turn, smiling warmly as soon as she saw the little girl.

"Hey, kid."

"Hi, Julia."

The small blonde sat beside her, offering her one of the apples.

"Oh, no, thank you. Don't feel too hungry." she replied, waving her hand.

"Hulga gave them to me." said the kid, taking a bite of the reddest one.

"Did she?"

"She also said you were waiting for me."

"I was." Julia nodded.

They both turned to look at the priest, his voice raising in tone with every new phrase.

"Was it you?" Lucia asked, observing Heimskr flailing his arms.

"Hmm-mm." she took a deep inhale, talking in a calm tone, "You lied to me."

The little girl froze for a second at the accusation, her mouth still full of munched apple. But when she turned to look at her friend, there was no trace of anger on her features, in fact, Julia was smiling down at her.

"You told me they let you sleep at the inn, remember?" she inquired, tilting her head.

Lucia gulped the food, hesitating for a moment. "Yeah. I did."

"Hmm-mm. Can I ask why?" she prodded, despite knowing the answer.

The kid seemed to doubt for a few seconds, spinning the apple between her hands.

"Come on. I'm not angry." she said. "Just curious."

The kid spun the apple a few more times before speaking, not lifting her gaze.

"Well. You're always so nice to me. So when you asked me if I had some place to sleep, I didn't want you to think I was trying to make you feel bad or something." she licked her lips, absent-mindedly digging her nails into the fruit, "People here always avoid me, because they don't want to feel pity, I think. Maybe." she shot her a quick side-glance, "I didn't want you to do the same."

Julia surprised the kid with a soft, impressed laugh.

"Gods. How old were you again?"

"Uhm. Nine." she replied, thinking with embarrassment just what could she have said that was so funny.

"You're damn smart for your age, girl." she affirmed, nodding with approbation, and Lucia felt her cheeks heat up at the compliment. She didn't hold back her proud smile, taking another big bite from the apple and swaying her feet.

The older woman laid back on the bench as the priest's sermon continued in the background. "Yeah, people do that, sometimes." she sighed.

"Do what?"

"Avoid things." she stated, "What makes them feel uncomfortable, or responsible. It's not that they're bad- not all of them, at least. It's just that, the good people, once they acknowledged you, they'd feel obligated to care. They prefer to ignore that kind of thing because, I guess, their life is hard enough as it is... Or something like that." she shrugged, looking at the kid and laughing again at her puzzled stare. "Ah, nevermind, sweetheart. I'm rambling."

Lucia snorted, however still confused, but choosing to let it go. "You do that a lot." she mocked, munching on the fruit.

Julia chuckled in response, both of them turning to watch as Heimskr tried to attract people to listen to his words without any success. He had noticed by now that the girls weren't there for him.

"Sometimes I see you sitting here, actually paying attention to him." Julia commented, covertly pointing a thumb in the priest's general direction.

Lucia nodded, swallowing before responding. "I like it. I like Talos. Ma always talked about him, and his stories. Told me all the time that whenever I felt lost, I simply had to pray to Talos to protect me and guide me, and then things would be alright. Did you know he was a man, once?" she asked suddenly, with genuine curiosity.

Julia nodded, trying her best to look impressed for the child, and to not let the subject awaken her present distress. "Really?"

"Yup! He was such a great hero, he was ascended to God when he died." she grinned, and looked up at the statue's face, dreamily, "I wish I could have met him."

Both girls fell in a thoughtful silence again, the noises from the passing guards and Heimskr's proclamations surrounding them.

Finally the young woman broke the quietness, sitting up straight. "Listen, Lucia..."

The girl turned to look at her, straightening herself at Julia's sober expression.

"I'm leaving today." she said, going straight to the point.

Lucia's eyes widened, her mouth gaping slightly open. "Leaving?"

Julia inclined her head. "Yes..."

"But... forever?" the girl whispered.

The imperial's nose wrinkled. "Not forever, but- for a long time."

"Oh." was all the kid could muster.

She looked down at her lap, a half-eaten apple and the other intact one resting on her dress. She closed her hands around them again, playing around so she could distract her mind and keep herself from crying. She tried her hardest so her voice didn't crack. "Are... are you in danger?" she whimpered.

Julia felt terribly touched at the kid's question, seeing how the first thing she asked about was her sorry ass' well-being. She gulped down to drown the knot in her throat.

"No, no." she lied, "Just... got to take care of some things, it's all."

Lucia hazily assented, still hunched over the apples. The older woman pushed herself to break the news to the child before she started crying, for her heart couldn't take it.

"But- that's the thing, I can't leave you like that."

The kid quickly wiped her face with a sleeve, turning around to face Julia. "No, no! Y-You gotta do it, then do it! I-I'll be fine...!" she stammered, her eyes red and glazed.

The sight sent a shiver down Julia's spine, relating with such intensity to the child's feelings. She gently cupped Lucia's face to brush her cheek with a calloused thumb. "Shhhh. You didn't let me finish." she hushed. The kid sniffled, her lip trembling.

She really didn't want to cry, she really tried not to. She hadn't cried in a long time, and now that she had, she just couldn't stop. It was embarrassing.

Julia kept talking in a hushed tone. "I bought a house. Breezehome." her hand dropped from the girl's face to shakily hold her hand. Her eyes shifted down, opening her mouth to continue speaking, then closing it again. She took a deep breath, her eyes locked on the child's fingers. "Look, I can't... I can't be the mother you need. I really can't. I wouldn't even know where to start, but... but I can give you a bed, and food, and a roof over your head. And of course, as- as long as I'm able to, I will protect you."

Lucia felt her body going rigid. She repeated Julia's words in her head, making sure she heard it right before jumping- before hoping. The imperial squeezed her hand, trembling slightly as she continued. "I'll be out, well, most of the time. So Lydia, my housecarl, would stay with you in the mean time. I've already talked it through with her, and she's fine with it. So... well, I know it's not much, but- I'll feel better knowing you're not sleeping in the streets, or begging for a piece of bread." she lifted her gaze to study the child's reaction, shoving her anxiety apart and repeatedly telling herself nothing would go wrong as long as she stayed away.

The kid's gaze remained lost for some long seconds. Realizing at last what her friend was offering, she rapidly blinked away the tears, her mouth once again gaping open. Her caught up throat made her voice crack as she spoke. "Y-You mean... you mean it? You mean it? You'd adopt me? You mean it?" she babbled, not recognizing as her own those high-pitched noises.

Julia instantly nodded, bitting her lower lip. "If you want to, of course...!"

"Y-Y-You wouldn't m-mind? Are you sure?" she was sobbing now, her shoulders shaking up and down.

"Of course I am! The house would be empty if-"

But her sentence was cut short when Lucia launched herself to hug her by the neck, squealing with extreme joy and burying her face in her friend's shoulder, ignoring the strong smell of newly tanned leather.

Julia sat frozen with astonishment for a moment before she awkwardly put her arms around her shaking frame, proceeding out of reflex to lightly rub the kid's back and shoo calming words, the same way her father would, back then.

"There, there... i-it's fine, sweetheart, it's fine."

The little girl cried some more on her shoulder, tightening her grip in-between sobs, and gradually calmed down until she finally let go, rushing to use a sleeve to clean her face. Julia simply kept rubbing the girl's arm, waiting for her to let it all out before talking.

"I'd like to show you the house before leaving, so... whenever you're ready."

The girl nodded right away, still wiping her face with the back of her hands, and both of them stood up from the bench. They were about to cross the small stream of water when suddenly Lucia let go of her hand.

"Oh, wait! Wait, Julia, just a second!" she squealed, running back to Heimskr's side. The priest stopped his proclaim, looking down at the child with curiosity, and Julia watched as Lucia told him something between sniffles and Heimskr immediately clapped his hands together, a big grin plastered across his face, cheerfully patting the kid's shoulder and saying something as well - it was all murmuring from where the imperial stood. Then she observed as both priest and child turned to face the shrine and, after a moment of silence, gave a respectful bow to the statue.

Heimskr waved with content as Lucia finally returned to Julia's side, taking the woman's hand in her own with a reassuring tug.

"Okay, let's go!"

They picked up their paces again, and Julia studied the kid with a questioning look, smiling as she spoke. "So, what was that for?"

The little girl looked up at her, damp eyes shining under a new light. "Well, I had to thank him! Heimskr knows I've been praying to him everyday since I got here, so he was very happy to hear you have adopted me." she said, grinning widely.

"Him...?" Julia asked, already knowing who she was referring to.

"Talos." affirmed the kid with one confident nod. "I know it's all thanks to him that we've met! He listened to my prayers, just like ma said he would."

Julia's brow furrowed, and she looked back over her shoulder to observe the impressive deity, distantly catching Lucia's last observation.

"He watches over all of us."

She later blamed the lack of sleep and her agitated state, and waved it off as a trick of the light, but at that moment, as she and the kid made their way down to the market, Julia could have sworn over her dead relatives that she saw the ghost of a smirk distorting the idol's sculpted features.

* * *

><p>The day Julia adopted the kid, the imperial settled the one and only rule Lucia would ever receive from her: to never call her mother. Or mama. Or mom.<p>

She'd call her Julia, like she had always done.

And Lucia did as she was told, never thinking less of her friend for it.

The first years followed a basic routine. Julia would hardly stop at home, leaving Lydia, whom Lucia also grew very attached to, in care of the child and travelling for months at a time, only stopping by for a few days. But when she did, she would spend all her time with the girl, bringing with her toys, books and weird objects and artifacts Lucia had never seen before. And of course, amazing stories.

At some point Lucia discovered the truth. That Julia was Dragonborn. And the little girl was surprised to find out how little that changed anything between her and her guardian. If anything, she felt slightly more worried when her trips would stretch longer than usual. But Julia always made it back, and that was all she asked for.

Eventually, as Julia's title became more and more usual to hear in people's conversations, they started to move from one city to the other. And in between said travels, Julia took more kids in. Kids like Lucia was once, lost and abandoned. Siblings that, despite the silly fights, she grew to love and promised to protect.

The younger ones wouldn't understand Julia's apprehensions, and more than once the word 'mama' or 'mom' would slip in their conversations with her. At some point, Julia stopped trying to correct them, and gradually had to grow used to the new title.

But Lucia kept calling her Julia, either way.

Her friend changed, overtime. The happier the people felt about Skyrim's future, the bigger that inhuman glint that overtook her gaze would grow. But at home, she acted the same. Gave them as much as she could, and loved them as best as she knew.

So Lucia never judged. Lucia never asked. Lucia always trusted.

And Julia, despite her long absences, never failed them.

She was there for her as Julia, when Lucia fell in love for the first time, and when her heart broke afterwards, as well.

She was there for her as Julia, when her faith in Talos weakened, influenced by the fear the Thalmor propagated, and taught her how to stay strong in one's beliefs.

She was there for her as Julia, when Lucia decided she wanted to travel and study and learn and see, following the scholar's path, and trained her along with her siblings so they wouldn't have to fear the long road ahead.

She was there for her as Julia, when she married her other half, drowning her in support and gold and gifts and a lot of good luck wishes.

And even after her disappearance, when the Dragonborn suddenly vanished, Julia was still there for her, in her memories, inspiring her to stay strong, through the bad and the worse, and enjoy the life she had been gifted.

But in her last years, already old and wrinkled, when she sat with her grandchildren by the fire to tell them the same stories that had accompanied her all those cold nights sleeping by the tavern, she wouldn't be there as Julia, or as Dragonborn.

Lucia would tell the children stories about her guardian. About her heroine. About her savior.

In short, Lucia would tell the children tales about her **mother**.

Cause as far as titles went, that one was her greatest.


End file.
